Leap of Faith

This past Sunday I attended Thanksgiving Church with one of my close friends, who is looking for a home church. I had been there a few times already, but I had never heard the regular pastor speak. What a great sermon, the Word shot me straight me through the heart that day. Basically, he discussed Abraham's life as recorded in Genesis, and how he lived by faith. God began his relationship with Abe through a promise. And the fact is that when Abraham believed God, it was credited to him as righteousness. There was a whole lot of waiting and trusting involved. By the time Abraham died, he didn't see his descendants become as numerous as the stars in the sky. That process took a long time, as did the promise that all nations would be blessed through him. One of the pastor's points that hit home was that these days, we focus too much on the rules of God, and not on the relationship. And building that relationship involves believing in God's promises, and trusting Him. However, that does not mean that we will see that promise come to fruition in our lifetime. He has a plan for us, but that does not mean that results will become evident in a few days, weeks, or even decades. It really requires us to relinquish our compulsion to control what's happening in our lives. It's supposed to go something like this, right (especially if you're Korean): get good grades in high school, go to a good college, graduate and get a good job, then get married (before the age of 30), have children son afterwards, and eventually retire. Although I refused to pressure myself into the Ivy League track, or stick with a major just so I could graduate "on time", I am well aware of the social expectations that I'm supposed to live up to. Sadly, I am often a little ashamed of my point in life right now (DUI, post-grad still working for my parents, still not sure about my career choice), but I persist on seeing this time as valuable. Why? Well, because I have a lot of free time, first of all, and I could really use this time to work on building a relationship with God. In the past, I tended to become legalistic and self-righteous. I like studying, learning is something I'm good at, and I think I focused to much on studying God, without getting to know Him too well on a personal level. I was (and still am, though to a lesser degree) extremely wary of becoming overly emotional when it comes to my faith. I detested the "blind faith" Christians, who screamed God at people, but had no knowledge about what they believed in, and could not defend their faith to non-believers. So now, having learned a little bit from my mistakes, I'm working on getting closer to my Father, Savior, Shepherd, King, Creator, Master, the one who loves me and defends me when the accuser attacks me. I had never really understood this part, that I need to put in effort in similar ways to how I become closer to a person. It requires spending time, dialogue, and building trust. Faith is something I need to work on, badly. I've had a hard time trusting God, and now I know why. The focus is on love, not rules. I want to behave as God's child, because he loves me so much. I know this is a weak parallel, but in order to relate to the concept better, I thought about royalty. A princess is expected to behave in certain ways because of her status, right? And it's awesome because I'm not part of some man-made "royal" bloodline, bound to some corrupt country and married off as a political pawn. I have a place in an eternal kingdom that has a perfect ruler, one who will never be defeated or intimidated. My dad, the king, loves me more than anyone else is capable of, and I can put my life in His hands without fear. I wonder if it's OK to consider myself as God's little princess...